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Yes. I did contemplate suicide at some point, screw-up after screw-up. That's why I left. That's why I went on hiatus. I was too busy writing my suicide note, thinking again, for the nth time, that I've had it with life. I'm too short, I am such a messed-up fucker, I'm the guy most people in both the pop and metalhead communities would consider a poser... But you know what? What the hell. As I was proofreading my suicide note, (I don't want to be caught dead next to a suicide note ridden with grammatical and spelling errors) I realized that what I had in my hands became an anti-suicide note.

Come on, I have you guys. I have people truly enjoying my written work and art. I have you, my watchers. I have good friends, and I did make it to the Dean's List several times. I have tutored some people in trigonometry, and I've helped them raise their grades. Most of all, at least I know that I have made someone happy. (You know who you are, and you are one of my friends here in deviantArt.) And a poser? Really? Well, I don't even try to be someone I am not. Well, I did once pretend to be my antithesis, and my attempt was a complete failure. If I do listen to the likes of Cerebral Bore, Megadeth, Blind Guardian, and Sonata Arctica, I can and will listen to All Time Low and My Chemical Romance. I don't give a shit.

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Now, here's the anti-suicide note I came up with...

That's it. I've had it with life! I've had it with fucking up time and time again, and I've had it with feeling like this. But if I am to stop myself from feeling like this, this misery has to end once and for all! I will rise up and do something about my situation. I will change my life because I'm fed up with it. I will be back... with a vengeance.

For my twenty years of existence, I have fallen short in every fucking thing. Of the many people in the world, it has to be me who has to look up to everybody and be looked down on, literally. But you know what, well, the guys of AC/DC are shorter than the standard fare, and they are world-famous. And how about Prince? Besides, if I will be able to do a lot of good things for this world despite my size, my size will only make me more badass. That's why there is a trope called Pintsized Powerhouse on TVTropes, and the guy who made my TVTropes page put this trope as one of the tropes that apply to me. At least someone in the world thinks I'm badass, and isn't that supposed to be a good thing? Well, the mere fact that I have a TVTropes page that someone else made is remarkable itself.

That's it, I'm tired. Goodbye, world... for today. I really need to go to sleep in order to see another day.

To the people I was supposed to leave behind, rock on. Thank you for being there for me. Without you guys, I would not be writing you this note. There would be no point in writing this if I were to die alone and wither away. Well, that's why this ended up becoming an anti-suicide note instead of, well, a suicide note. I realized that if I actually need a suicide note... What is the point of a suicide note in the first place? Its very purpose is to be read. And who else will read it, but the people who actually care?

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PS. I knew it. When I left, the news came out that jo bel might not be a troll. Now that I'm back, sort of, I hope I can do something about the new situation. However, I will still rarely post as I am a very busy young man.

PSS. Watch Jeremy Saffer! :iconjeremysaffer:
He rocks!

PSSS. I found a grammatical error in my anti-suicide note. Lol. Anyway, it's been edited, and I don't want to be caught alive with a grammatically incorrect anti-suicide note.
  • Mood: Optimism
  • Listening to: Carry On - Avenged Sevenfold
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:icondaishomaru:
Daishomaru Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Now why would you even think about suicide? You seem to have a better life than mine!
Reply
:iconel-jimmeister:
el-Jimmeister Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Really? You think so? Dude, you have no idea how hard it is to be a 4'10" male at 20 years old. But what the hell, no one will bring Le Jimster down! I will continue to live, at least until God thinks He's had enough of me on earth.
Reply
:icondaishomaru:
Daishomaru Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah. By the way, I personally find suicide a waste of time. Yeah, people will miss you at first, but they will learn how to forget. If anything, if life pisses you off, if you don't off yourself, you piss them off. If you die they win. That's my belief.
Reply
:iconel-jimmeister:
el-Jimmeister Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Spot on, dude.
Reply
:icondaishomaru:
Daishomaru Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks. THis is why I usually find life hillarious. People think suicide is cool, when unless you are doing it to save somebody (like jumping in front of a bullet to protect somebody), it usually ends up pointless. Considering I almost did the same thing, then I realized when you die, nothing will change. If you live, things will be bound for change. So that's why I never think such thoughts of suicide after a bad day. I take it and move on, as tomorrow is a better day. It will always be, as I learned life will have its ups and downs.

I'm glad you changed your mind. :)
Reply
:iconel-jimmeister:
el-Jimmeister Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks. It's good to know that, especially with your point about changes. It's true that death leads to eventual oblivion and is permanent. If I do stay alive, however, I can still change the way my life will turn out to be, even though I cannot change how my life turned out to be. And yes, I will stay alive, unless God says otherwise.
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:icondaishomaru:
Daishomaru Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks. Now spread the word!
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:iconel-jimmeister:
el-Jimmeister Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome. I'm planning to remake this anti-suicide note as a deviation submission. Thanks for that additional concept!
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(1 Reply)
:iconnakuraxchann:
NakuraXchann Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It would be highly unwise and would greatly sadden, to say in the least, the lot of us-your friends- if you had happened to commit suicide. But while saving the prose for sometime elsewhere, I'm happy that you're alive.
Reply
:iconel-jimmeister:
el-Jimmeister Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for being happy to have me stay and for appreciating my prose. I just hope that one day, I will be able to save a life.
Reply
:iconnakuraxchann:
NakuraXchann Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're welcome :) I've come close to the point of actually being about to kill myself. I had thought that I was doing the right thing, and yet here I am, unharmed, fully conscious, and perhaps even improved, though the mere thought of personal improvement ranges from dubious to laughable.
Perhaps someday, you will land a job that will save lives. It can occasionally amaze me how simple acts can have such the effect that they have on people, and this further impels someone to save a person's, both physically and mentally.
Reply
:iconel-jimmeister:
el-Jimmeister Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks. Y'know, I'm thinking of making another edition of my anti-suicide note and upload it as a deviation. This time, it will be a little less personal, but it will still have the same message.
Reply
:iconnakuraxchann:
NakuraXchann Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
That would be quite appreciated.
Reply
:iconel-jimmeister:
el-Jimmeister Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks.
Reply
:iconnakuraxchann:
NakuraXchann Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're welcome. :)
Reply
:icongothicmixie197:
GothicMixie197 Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
holy crap. dude, i swear i cried reading this. i havent cried in months, possibly a year or more. im glad you didnt go suceed with suicide, i find you as an amazing person. im happy you posted this, it makes me happy that you got out of suicide, so knowing that you did it, i can get out of the thoughts of it too. im telling you, your the best thing thats ever come to me on dA.. just, thank you for not killing yourself. it wouldve tore apart my life as well as yours..... so thank you. im just really happy you didnt.
Reply
:iconel-jimmeister:
el-Jimmeister Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
By the way, thank you for being one of the people who actually saved my life. I mean it.
Reply
:icongothicmixie197:
GothicMixie197 Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
i really did that much? your welcome, im just so happy i could do that for you. but since i did that for you.. in return, you have already done enough for me, but please do me one favor: remember that your an amazing person, and you do have a place here. thats what i want you to do for me (:
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:iconel-jimmeister:
el-Jimmeister Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks, and stay awesome.
Reply
:icongothicmixie197:
GothicMixie197 Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
ahahaha i will as long as you do! (;
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:iconel-jimmeister:
el-Jimmeister Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Aw... Thanks. By the way, I was referring to you as for the person I was able to make happy on dA. I just hope that a depressed person finds this and rethinks about committing suicide. Suicide is the most dishonorable way to die. It is the ultimate act of selfishness. Having said that, I now feel sorry for Kurt Cobain.
Reply
:icongothicmixie197:
GothicMixie197 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
i noticed it was me... know you did make me happy for sure ^~^. and i agree, nobody should commit suicide. like you said, its the most dishonorable way to die! i was considering it a long time ago, but then i realized all the times i helped someone. and Kurt should've thought about that first, cause he may be dead, but he still helps me. and you do too... so thank you for hangin in there(:
Reply
:iconel-jimmeister:
el-Jimmeister Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hmm... There are exceptions though. Some people commit suicide because of insanity. That would not count as dishonorable because, well, they are out of their minds, and they know not what is right or wrong.
Reply
:icongothicmixie197:
GothicMixie197 Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
ahhhh, true. you always seem to have a point with these things, but thats what makes you so awesome.\m/
Reply
:iconel-jimmeister:
el-Jimmeister Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks.
Reply
:icongothicmixie197:
GothicMixie197 Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
your welcome : - D
Reply
:iconcartooniac55:
Cartooniac55 Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012
That was very touching. You have no idea how happy I am to hear that you didn't go through with the suicide.
Reply
:iconel-jimmeister:
el-Jimmeister Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks.
Reply
:iconcartooniac55:
Cartooniac55 Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012
You're welcome.
Reply
:iconmintaka-tk:
Mintaka-TK Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012
Dude, I'm fucking glad you didn't go through with it. I'd have had a horrible conscious for a very long time otherwise, considering the comment I wrote on your last journal. D:

For the record, I've had suicidal thoughts too. Some might call me a whiny teen for having those thoughts after a stressful day of school, but I was forced to put up with five years of complete bullshit with a fragile psyche. :|
Reply
:iconel-jimmeister:
el-Jimmeister Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hell, I'm already 20, and I still get those thoughts after a stressful day at college.
Reply
:iconcatthylove:
Catthylove Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm glad you didn't commit suicide.
Reply
:iconel-jimmeister:
el-Jimmeister Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks.
Reply
:iconcatthylove:
Catthylove Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Of course.
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