I Just Found Out...

5 min read

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el-Jimmeister's avatar
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That the girl I used to like is attending the same college as I am!


Yes, that one who turned me down for being too short, the inspiration behind the character of C'ren (OLLG's villain sue protagonist) and she who trampled on my self-esteem with her trademark cheetah-printed high heels. And she's a year ahead of me. (I have a confession to make: I started off college as a mechanical engineering major, then after a year, I decided that I would prefer to be an architect instead. My parents supported my decision, though, fortunately. So, I am actually a year older than majority of my classmates.)

I just found out when I saw her (actually rather impressive) work in the scale model exhibit. I never really knew much about her artistic side until then. I didn't know how to react at first as soon as I saw her name written as the project's designer, but then, I had this idea... An idea that might change my life for the better or for the worse. (takes deep breath...) Here we go.

...I want to bury the hatchet, and not in her face.


I would like to be able to reconcile with her and to settle all the differences we may have had in the past. I want to let go. I wanted to leave behind all the burdens that my deep-seated bitterness against her have placed on my shoulders. I'm sure that by this time, she would have matured already and outgrew her rather bitchy ways. I have moved on and grown up as well. 

I can see clearly that I have gone so far from being that bumbling, always-depressed, whiny, socially-awkward high school guy with low self-esteem, who concealed his sorrow behind curtains of oily, black hair and TONS of guyliner. (I still wear guyliner though, but sparingly nowadays. I'm also considering getting a new haircut. I'd like to do away with the emo fringe that I have worn for YEARS. I just don't know what looks good on me. Any ideas?) Anyway, I learned from my experiences throughout the years that forgiveness is one of the most liberating things that one can do not only for others but also for the self.

Now, here's the plan: I'm asking for help from my friends so that I can finally schedule a day when I might meet her again, reconcile with each other, and perhaps, laugh off the stupid things that have happened in high school. I'm no longer hoping for a chance to get with her, but I am hoping to cleanse myself of those negative feelings that I might still have to this day towards her and the way she had crushed my confidence back then. I would like to start over with her. Besides, I was at fault as well: I was, to be honest, a persistent stalker who would not give up unless she accepted me. No wonder I drove her away.

However, I'm still plagued with some dilemmas. Am I even doing the right thing? Is this even a good idea? But what if she publicly humiliates me again like she did back in high school? (Back then, I should have kicked her ass for doing so, but maybe deep inside I have this tendency to be a REAL sucker for love and/or similar mushy shit like that. I became her limited edition guyliner-wearing doormat. Maybe that's why I am willing to defend Ronnie Radke through thick and thin even though he does not know I exist and despite the fact that he is NOT even my type of guy?) At least I thought of trying, right?

PS. To the 10K Pageviews Kiriban winner, comment the link to the screenshot plus your prize of choice in the previous journal.



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Comments4
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SnowCocoa's avatar
I think you should say hello to her and ask how she's doing. Surely she won't mind if you do that. Then you can go from there.

If you want help with a hairstyle, maybe you should take a better picture of yourself. Then maybe I can help you.