ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
Chapter 18.
AN: I SAID STOP FLAMING! If you do, then you're a fucking poser! Hornz to Vulture for the help and stuff. You rock! You're not a poser. Hornz for the vest! PS. The other reason Dumbledore swore is because he's trying to be metal, so there!
\m/^O^\m/\m/^O^\m/\m/^O^\m/
I woke up the next day on my deep purple bed, again. I walked out of it and put on some corpse paint and a black studded leather vest that was ripped at the ends and has thin, vertical stripes so that my already awesome, muscular body will look even more awesome. I was wearing a Baphomet navel ring with black and red diamonds for its eyes.
The night before Chö and I went back to the school. (On a random note, Megadeth rocks!) Dumbeldore chased Voldemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the faded, brown bristles were blood-stained. There were metal studs all over the handle. Chö had a black Mayhem broom. We went to my room and we had sex to a Morbid Angel song.
Well anyway I went down to the Cheese Grater Hall, or so the Great Hall was renamed as. There, all the walls were painted black, and some of it is covered in perforated aluminum panels that resemble cheese graters, and the tables were black too, with red tablecloths decorated with embroidered glyphs. But it was obvious that the black paint had a glittery finish that resembled Cedric Diggory's skin. (Yeah. Seriously. The guy bathes in glitter instead of water!) And there were posters of poser bands everywhere, like Avenged Sevenfold, Bring Me the Horizon, Blood on the Dance Floor, and Black Veil Brides. The glyphs on the burgundy, satin tablecloths were actually Disturbed's logo on the album art of Believe, stitched in a repetitive, interlinking pattern on the fabric. The candles that once adorned the cathedral ceilings of the grandiose hall that resembled the night sky were now replaced with luminescent floating skulls with bat wings, which that poser band Avenged Sevenfold calls the Deathbat, which those second-rate trying hard copycats totally stole from Overkill. Overkill rocks, by the way! Chaly is awesome!
"WHAT THE FUCK!?" I shouted as I went to sit next to Ignacïo and Gibbet. Ignacïo was wearing black leather pants with a Cannibal Corpse t-shirt, black leather fingerless gloves and black combat boots. Gibbet was wearing a long, black cloak with band logos on the back, and it had a slit up his pale thighs, which were clad with black thigh-high boots. Erzëbeth, Ilsëkoch, and Chö came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Cristina Scabbia, Alissa White-Gluz, or Angela Gossow. The girls joined in because they were bisexual.
"Those girls are so fucking hot," Ilsëkoch was saying, as, suddenly a metallic old man with a black beard and everything came over. He was the same one who had chased away Voldemort yesterday. He had normal, tan skin but he was wearing corpse paint on his face and he had dyed his hair black.
"DUMBLEDORE!?" we all gasped.
"What the fuck?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Voldemort! Dumbledore, YOU DON'T DO THAT TO ME!"
"Hello, everyone," he said happily. "As you can see, I gave the room a makeover. What do you think about it?"
Everyone from the poser table in Gryffindor started to cheer. Well, we metalheads just looked at each other all disgusted and shook our heads. We couldn't believe what a poser he was!
"By the way, you can call me Albus," he said as we left to our classes.
"What a fucking poser!" Chö shouted angrily as we went to Transfiguration class. We were holding hands. Erzëbeth looked really jealous. I could see her white (Geddit? White, like Alissa White-Gluz?) corpse paint smudging off, but I didn't say anything.
"I bet he's having a mid-life crisis!" Gibbet shouted.
I was so fucking angry.
\m/^O^\m/\m/^O^\m/\m/^O^\m/
AN: I SAID STOP FLAMING! If you do, then you're a fucking poser! Hornz to Vulture for the help and stuff. You rock! You're not a poser. Hornz for the vest! PS. The other reason Dumbledore swore is because he's trying to be metal, so there!
\m/^O^\m/\m/^O^\m/\m/^O^\m/
I woke up the next day on my deep purple bed, again. I walked out of it and put on some corpse paint and a black studded leather vest that was ripped at the ends and has thin, vertical stripes so that my already awesome, muscular body will look even more awesome. I was wearing a Baphomet navel ring with black and red diamonds for its eyes.
The night before Chö and I went back to the school. (On a random note, Megadeth rocks!) Dumbeldore chased Voldemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the faded, brown bristles were blood-stained. There were metal studs all over the handle. Chö had a black Mayhem broom. We went to my room and we had sex to a Morbid Angel song.
Well anyway I went down to the Cheese Grater Hall, or so the Great Hall was renamed as. There, all the walls were painted black, and some of it is covered in perforated aluminum panels that resemble cheese graters, and the tables were black too, with red tablecloths decorated with embroidered glyphs. But it was obvious that the black paint had a glittery finish that resembled Cedric Diggory's skin. (Yeah. Seriously. The guy bathes in glitter instead of water!) And there were posters of poser bands everywhere, like Avenged Sevenfold, Bring Me the Horizon, Blood on the Dance Floor, and Black Veil Brides. The glyphs on the burgundy, satin tablecloths were actually Disturbed's logo on the album art of Believe, stitched in a repetitive, interlinking pattern on the fabric. The candles that once adorned the cathedral ceilings of the grandiose hall that resembled the night sky were now replaced with luminescent floating skulls with bat wings, which that poser band Avenged Sevenfold calls the Deathbat, which those second-rate trying hard copycats totally stole from Overkill. Overkill rocks, by the way! Chaly is awesome!
"WHAT THE FUCK!?" I shouted as I went to sit next to Ignacïo and Gibbet. Ignacïo was wearing black leather pants with a Cannibal Corpse t-shirt, black leather fingerless gloves and black combat boots. Gibbet was wearing a long, black cloak with band logos on the back, and it had a slit up his pale thighs, which were clad with black thigh-high boots. Erzëbeth, Ilsëkoch, and Chö came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Cristina Scabbia, Alissa White-Gluz, or Angela Gossow. The girls joined in because they were bisexual.
"Those girls are so fucking hot," Ilsëkoch was saying, as, suddenly a metallic old man with a black beard and everything came over. He was the same one who had chased away Voldemort yesterday. He had normal, tan skin but he was wearing corpse paint on his face and he had dyed his hair black.
"DUMBLEDORE!?" we all gasped.
"What the fuck?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Voldemort! Dumbledore, YOU DON'T DO THAT TO ME!"
"Hello, everyone," he said happily. "As you can see, I gave the room a makeover. What do you think about it?"
Everyone from the poser table in Gryffindor started to cheer. Well, we metalheads just looked at each other all disgusted and shook our heads. We couldn't believe what a poser he was!
"By the way, you can call me Albus," he said as we left to our classes.
"What a fucking poser!" Chö shouted angrily as we went to Transfiguration class. We were holding hands. Erzëbeth looked really jealous. I could see her white (Geddit? White, like Alissa White-Gluz?) corpse paint smudging off, but I didn't say anything.
"I bet he's having a mid-life crisis!" Gibbet shouted.
I was so fucking angry.
\m/^O^\m/\m/^O^\m/\m/^O^\m/
Suggested Collections
Featured in Groups
Synopsis: Salutations, fellow brothers and sisters in the best genre of music ever: metal! AWWWWWW YEAH! This is an epic tale of epic proportions told from the perspective of a stereotypical metal elitist. RATED M 4 METULZ!! 
NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN SIRIUSLY! (Yup, it's a parody of the infamous My Immortal.)
Okay. Drinking game. If you have mercy on yourself, you may choose to follow only one rule. If you are feeling suicidal or courageous, follow all of these! This is best played with a group of friends, and each of you will follow a different rule. UPDATED.
Now, here are the rules!
1. For every time a torture or execution method, medieval, ancient, or modern, is mentioned in the story, take a shot. This includes bands that are named after such methods. (Example: Iron Maiden) Take two shots for every direct and indirect references to Scaphism, both as an execution method and as a band. It's highly recommended to drink milk, anything with honey, or any creamy drink, if following this rule.
2. For every time goats are mentioned, take a shot.
3. For every time a place, artwork, or architectural detail is vividly described, take a shot. Take another shot for every added line taken up by the description.
4. For every time Rainblood references how things in My Immortal don't make sense, take a fucking shot! Two shots if I'm (Jimmy) the one who does it.
5. For every time menstrual blood is mentioned, take a shot.
6. For every mention of Satan, take a shot. This includes stuff that is usually associated with him, such as 666 and Baphomet.
7. For every mention of band logos, merchandise, and other memorabilia, take a shot. This includes 'poser' bands.
8. For every mention of a denim vest or anything made of leather, take a shot.
9. For every time Rainblood or the author bashes posers, take a shot.
10. For every umlaut, take a bloody shot! Two shots if there should have been an umlaut where there isn't! (Only do this if you're brave enough!)
11. Take a shot for every time James/Jimmy (me) agrees with Jïmblöød Røtringpën, the imaginary author of My Metal, another one of my alter-egos. (Special hornz to ChrïstïnëÄnnë25 for naming him! You rock!)
12. For every time something or someone is compared to a real-life metalhead, take a shot. Two shots if it's a female metalhead. Three shots if it's Alissa White-Gluz.
13. For every time Rainblood describes Chö's perfect body (any part of it) in purple prose, take a shot. Two shots if it's a body part that guys (usually) don't have. All right, take a shot for any, and I mean any, mention of body parts that guys usually don't have regardless of who the parts belong to. This includes tattoos that depict nudity.
14. Take a shot for every time a malapropism or memorable quote from My Immortal is retained in My Metal. Two shots if there's additional stuff not found in My Immortal written about it in an attempt to make the malapropism logical somehow.
15. Down the whole drink for any unintentional typos, excluding missing umlauts. That's in another rule. I have done my best to proofread each chapter and correct the spellings.
16. Take a shot for every manly tear that Rainblood sheds.
17. Take a shot for every AWWWWWWW YEAH! or variant of that appears anywhere in the fanfic. This excludes the synopsis, but includes the author's notes and Jimmy's notes.
18. Take a shot for every canonically correct statement in the fanfic.
19. Take a shot for every time a reference to a historical figure is made. Two shots if the person is known for evil deeds.
NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN SIRIUSLY! (Yup, it's a parody of the infamous My Immortal.)Okay. Drinking game. If you have mercy on yourself, you may choose to follow only one rule. If you are feeling suicidal or courageous, follow all of these! This is best played with a group of friends, and each of you will follow a different rule. UPDATED.
Now, here are the rules!
1. For every time a torture or execution method, medieval, ancient, or modern, is mentioned in the story, take a shot. This includes bands that are named after such methods. (Example: Iron Maiden) Take two shots for every direct and indirect references to Scaphism, both as an execution method and as a band. It's highly recommended to drink milk, anything with honey, or any creamy drink, if following this rule.
2. For every time goats are mentioned, take a shot.
3. For every time a place, artwork, or architectural detail is vividly described, take a shot. Take another shot for every added line taken up by the description.
4. For every time Rainblood references how things in My Immortal don't make sense, take a fucking shot! Two shots if I'm (Jimmy) the one who does it.
5. For every time menstrual blood is mentioned, take a shot.
6. For every mention of Satan, take a shot. This includes stuff that is usually associated with him, such as 666 and Baphomet.
7. For every mention of band logos, merchandise, and other memorabilia, take a shot. This includes 'poser' bands.
8. For every mention of a denim vest or anything made of leather, take a shot.
9. For every time Rainblood or the author bashes posers, take a shot.
10. For every umlaut, take a bloody shot! Two shots if there should have been an umlaut where there isn't! (Only do this if you're brave enough!)
11. Take a shot for every time James/Jimmy (me) agrees with Jïmblöød Røtringpën, the imaginary author of My Metal, another one of my alter-egos. (Special hornz to ChrïstïnëÄnnë25 for naming him! You rock!)
12. For every time something or someone is compared to a real-life metalhead, take a shot. Two shots if it's a female metalhead. Three shots if it's Alissa White-Gluz.
13. For every time Rainblood describes Chö's perfect body (any part of it) in purple prose, take a shot. Two shots if it's a body part that guys (usually) don't have. All right, take a shot for any, and I mean any, mention of body parts that guys usually don't have regardless of who the parts belong to. This includes tattoos that depict nudity.
14. Take a shot for every time a malapropism or memorable quote from My Immortal is retained in My Metal. Two shots if there's additional stuff not found in My Immortal written about it in an attempt to make the malapropism logical somehow.
15. Down the whole drink for any unintentional typos, excluding missing umlauts. That's in another rule. I have done my best to proofread each chapter and correct the spellings.
16. Take a shot for every manly tear that Rainblood sheds.
17. Take a shot for every AWWWWWWW YEAH! or variant of that appears anywhere in the fanfic. This excludes the synopsis, but includes the author's notes and Jimmy's notes.
18. Take a shot for every canonically correct statement in the fanfic.
19. Take a shot for every time a reference to a historical figure is made. Two shots if the person is known for evil deeds.
© 2013 - 2024 el-Jimmeister
Comments8
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
*has been playing the drinking game* I'll be pissing clear soon