Synopsis: Salutations, fellow brothers and sisters in the best genre of music ever: metal! AWWWWWW YEAH! This is an epic tale of epic proportions told from the perspective of a stereotypical metal elitist. RATED M 4 METULZ!! \m/ NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN SIRIUSLY! (Yup, it's a parody of the infamous My Immortal.)
Jimmy's Note: Welcome to my parody/satire of My Immortal. This is the elitist metalhead version!
AN: Special hornz (get it, 'cause I'm a metalhead and I'm more awesome than you?) to my new bf (Best Friend! What else, poser?) Vulture, goatsblood666, for helping me with the story and spelling. You rock! Carly (not THAT Carly who sang that wussy Call Me Maybe song, if it can even be fucking called a song!) you're the woman of adoration of my epic life, and you rock too! THE AGONIST ROCKS!
Salutations, fellow brothers and sisters in the best fucking genre of music in the world: metal! Awwwwww yeah!!! Well then. Let me introduce myself. I am he who calls himself Rainblood Öystein Cross Vülture-White, but my real name is Lee Dong Hae [geddit?] but I moved out of Korea because k-pop is for idiots, and I fucking hate the fact that I share names with that wussy from Super Junior! RAAAAHHHHHH! I have long, black hair that reaches my mid-back, without any other color because hair dye in unnatural colors is for posers and scene kids (with the awesome exception of Alissa White-Gluz; more on her later.) the worst of all the blights of society. My eyes are a deep crimson like fresh menstrual blood and a lot of people tell me I look like Herman Li. (AN: If you don't know who he is, then get the hell out of here, poser!)
I'm not related to Alissa White-Gluz, and I like it that way (incest is for posers and rednecks who are so desperate to get laid) because she is so sexy and so fucking hot. And thankfully as well, I'm not related to that goth poser chick Amy Lee, fuckers! I'm not a vampire, though, thankfully, because those posers have soiled what was once a metalhead thing with stupid pop culture and glitter. Ack! I hate glitter! My teeth are straight and white, and I have pale white skin which is even slightly lighter than my teeth, so I didn't even need the white part of corpse paint. I'm a warlock, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in Scotland where I'm in the seventh year, for I am seventeen years of age. I'm a metalhead, in case you still couldn't tell by now, and I wear mostly black, even though the posers are adopting the same kind of fashion. The thing is, we, the metalheads, started the thing with wearing black as a statement of defiance towards those fucking stuck-up prudes who think our music is nothing but noise.
Hot Topic is for posers, and I never buy my clothes from there. For example, today, I was wearing a blue denim vest, which I bought from a garage sale, that I patched all over (REAL men know how to sew, ok!) with the logos of Black Sabbath, AC/DC, The Agonist, Cannibal Corpse, Cerebral Bore, Mayhem, Venom, Bathory, Accept, Iron Maiden, Opeth, Deep Purple, Motörhead, Metallica, Slayer, Anthrax, Megadeth, and many more other logos which look just like a bundle of twigs to the untrained poser eye, but trust me, I can read them all even from twenty meters away. In addition to that, I also wore leather pants, and black spiky cleats for stepping on Converse-clad poser foot. I wasn't wearing any make-up. Make-up is for girls, thespians, drag queens, and clowns. Corpse paint is a different story altogether. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was raining blood, which I was very happy about. A lot of posers stared at me, and I roared at them like a true metal vocalist would.
"Hey Rainblood!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Chö Chang, whom I have recently converted into the ways of metal! Misogyny is for posers and hip hop wussies!
"What's up Chö Chang?" I asked.
"Nothing." she said shyly.
But then, I heard my brothers in metal call me and I had to go away.
AN: IS it good? PLEASE tell me, hornz! 4 TRU METULZ!!!111!!!
Jimmy's Note: I guess I can be considered an elitist myself in the general sense of the word in that I (personally) dislike pop and hip-hop that mostly consists of misogynistic lyrics, senseless hedonism, and monotony and honestly think that majority of classical music, rock and metal are superior to pop, rnb, and hiphop. Again, that is just my opinion. On another rather amusing note, majority of metal elitists actually hate Dragonforce.